Though now we see in a mirror dimly, we will one day see Him face to face.
I think that at this time, I am more translucent than transparent. I am in process of re-learning to place my trust in select few hands. This means I may not always reveal what I am thinking, feeling, or wishing at any given moment with just anyone. I think the definition for translucent fits me better at this time than transparent. I even think of the old school overhead transparencies and how flimsy and weak they seemed. Translucence seems stronger; frosted glass, plexiglass, frosted drink mugs, things like that. I wonder if I can really compare these synonyms fairly, I am no linguist by any means.
I just know that I think I am stronger, although I am not as revealing of myself as I used to be. I always thought that being a Christian meant that I was good and transparent with others about almost everything. I of course knew things not to reveal or discuss, but I always have had a sense of trust among my brothers and sisters in Christ.
The difference now is that I have a sense of safety and trust with a select few. I do want to reveal more about myself and often justify myself in my current affairs. But, I realize that I often reveal more of me than needs be. I know God uses himself to shine His light through us, and I desire that transparency of my heart before him. However, I also believe that God pulls His cloak over us for times of healing, and maybe that is the translucent way I am shining His light. (So as not to blind anyone, or become blinded myself-as Saul was.)
Saul, huh? God just had to bring him into this picture! So, Saul was a religious, self-righteous zealot who wanted to kill all the Christians. Jesus met him on the road, (after the resurrection) and asked Saul why he was persecuting him. Saul asked who he was, and Jesus said it is me Jesus whom you are persecuting. Then, Saul was blinded for a few days until someone prayed for him. I definitely would like to see the Lord, but I prefer to keep my vision, thank you Lord! I know these things are not up to me, but I am seeing the connection (pardon the pun) between blindness and the translucence that I speak of. See, if I am consistent with my child, I set up some transparent rules that he knows are boundaries to follow, or else! If I set up cloudy boundaries with him, our relationship degrades and we both suffer through it.
God is an infinitely better parent than I am. Although, I feel like I am shining translucently, in a fog, blindly, He is guiding me, bringing people to pray for me, help me, lead me safely through the valley of the shadow, and He will shine through me transparently on THAT DAY when I will be HOME with HIM, and every tear will be wiped away and the city won’t need a light, because God will be that Light and all of creation that honors Him will shine like the facets of rare gems in a treasure chest.